Beta: Allison Cullen
The Evolution of Breaking Bonds
Chapter 7
Not Alone
I begin to dream of the vision that led me to where I am. I feel my Lost Lover’s arms around me, holding me tightly as I whisper his name and kiss his beautiful face. I feel his arms loosen and he tells me no and I fight his attempt to flee. Needing him, pulling at him to bring him closer. He fights my attempts to pull him near and tells me no.
“Open your eyes and look at me.” I hear my Lost Lover say; only it’s not his voice. I panic and I am confused and in my dream I open my eyes and look at him. It’s not my Lost Lover; it’s someone different. I feel threatened by this dark presence and the glowing eyes of this male and I expand my shield.
“OH SHIT!” I hear a males voice yell followed by a loud thud, it sounds like someone has been thrown into a wall.
Reality smacks me awake, and I open my eyes for real this time, and jump off the bed and run to Sterling, who is now lying on his back on the floor across the room. “Shit. Fuck. Damn. Oh my god, are you okay? I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t pack one hell of a punch, female.” He coughs the words out and I can feel he is hurt. I panic.
I could have killed him.
I stand up and back away from him. “HELP HIM, SOMEONE HELP HIM!” I scream so loud the compound shakes. I continue to step backwards until I feel my back hit a wall. I hate that in this moment the furthest I can get from him is across the room.
Jesus Christ I could have killed him.
Warriors Brock and Kade come into the room, followed by the female named Tess. Dante holds me in his stare, while Brock and Tess go over to Sterling. His eyes are a hypnotic, cold, and a slick grey color. They remind me of steel. “I’m sorry.” I whisper. “I don’t know what happen, I was a asleep and dreaming and I got startled.”
Kade growls at me.
“It’s not her fucking fault. It’s mine. Leave her alone.” Sterling yells from the floor.
I look over at Sterling, and Brock and Tess are helping him up from the floor. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come; this was all a bad idea.” I grab my clothes from the floor where I left them last and dematerialize back to the cemetery.
The only other place I know.
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“Yes Father?”
I turn my head toward him but do not look at him. “Is everything in place? On both ends?”
“Yes. My sister is planning her move now as we speak and I am ready, father.
Thank you again for giving me this opportunity it m-.”
I hold up my hand and he grows silent. “Failing me would be your gravest mistake. Failing her is not an option. She has been through too much and suffered long. I would consider any outcome other than success to be a personal insult to me and the punishment will reflect such.”
“I will not fail you father. I have wanted this for too long to fail you, or her.”
I turn now and look at my son, “Give me your hand,” and he obeys. I summon the powers that be and turn my son from monster to man. I watch the skin grow, giving him body and as his eyes solidify his soul manifests and fills the empty orbs with emotion. And it is done.
“Take this gift I give unto you in the hope that it offers advocacy in bringing Lievah back to us.”
My son bows low and pulls my hand to his lips. He rises with a new confidence, a new glory. An unfamiliar pride begins to grown from deep within me and I begin to hope for all our sakes that he will succeed. Not just for her, but for the future.
I turn my attention to my daughter and watch as she sits on the lawn of the cemetery. I find it revolting that she seeks refuge with the dead. It causes me great animosity that she feels she can relate enough to them to be comfortable there. I can’t prepare myself enough for what I am about to watch her go through. I wish I could shield her from the evil that is about to be bestowed upon her. My wishes are for naught.
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I sit and think because right now that is all I can do. I think about how everything in my life up to this point has played out and how I can’t help but feel like I am the one who got the short end of the stick.
Fucking Life.
I think about what I am about to do after I seek out blood from a Rogue. I am about to face my Lost Lover who I haven’t seen with my eyes in months. I have seen him only in dreams and visions. I realize I’m not sitting here to think. I’m sitting here to fucking gather inner strength, but really it’s pointless. I might as well just accept the fact that this is going to kill me. Seeing him is going to tear me apart. I feel a tear trickle from my eye and I reach up to wipe it. I pull my hand down and look at the vibrant blue moisture.
I feel like I am never going to come out of this…..funk that I am in. There is no damn light at the end of the tunnel for me. I have damned myself to walk life for a fucking eternity alone, with my pain.
I think about Sterling, and how I could have killed him. I have no control over my god damn emotions. The idea that I may never have any pisses me off.
It won’t mean you forget, Alelan., Moving on and healing never means you forget, it only means that you accept it. Sterling’s words replay in my head over and over.
Maybe that’s it. I will never be able to fucking accept what I have done, but maybe I can just accept the pain I have to live with. I suck in a big breath of air. A musky, citrus, sweet scent registers and I stand looking around for him.
“I’m sorry; I had to make sure you are okay.”
I turn around and Sterling walks from behind a large statue of the cemetery. “How did you find me?”
“I could smell your tears.” he smiles and then asks, “Are you okay?”
Fuck if I know. “I guess. God I’m so sorry, are you hurt?”
He shakes his head. “I’m a vampire remember? We heal quickly.”
I smile. “Will you tell Lucan and the others I am sorry?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“You have nothing to apologize for, Alelan. What you did is a part of who you are, don’t be sorry for that.”
I think about his kind words and think again about everything he said to me when I spilled my guts to him.
“You’re a kind male, Sterling.”
He nods and says, “Thank You. But if I may ask, what were you dreaming about? One minute you were trying to make out with me, calling his name again, the next you went cold and I could feel how scared you were. Was that because of me?”
“No. I saw something that terrified me. A male, I feel like I know who he is, but I am still scared all the same.”
“You’re still scared.”
“I know. I’m terrified to see him, my Lost Lover. I’m terrified of what it might do to me.” I close my eyes to hide the tears. My body starts shaking and I don’t know why.
“You’re freezing.” Sterling says and then he pulls off his leather trench coat and wraps it around my shoulders. “Are you going to see him in that t-shirt?”
I look down. He’s right; I’m still in the t-shirt I slept in. No socks, just a shirt. I still have the leather clothes I took from the dead prostitute’s body clutched to my chest.
“I don’t know. I have a real bad feeling about all of this.”
“Why do it?”
“I have to. I have to do this last thing, I have to warn him. If I don’t, so much will be lost and I can’t have that.”
“Ever think that maybe you’re not meant to interfere?”
“No. It’s not a question in my mind.”
“Do you want company? I can come with you to make sure everything goes okay.”
I shake my head and sit down on the cold ground. “No. If something went wrong and you got hurt I would never forgive myself. Besides, this is mine.”
Sterling sat on the ground next to me. He pulled his knees up and draped his arms casually over them. “You don’t have to be alone in this.”
“And you don’t have to be a part of it. I don’t understand your damn persistence anyways.”
“Because I know, Alelan.”
How the fuck can he know my god damn pain?
Out of reflex my head snaps to look at him. “Know what, Sterling? Any pain of loss that you feel is not like mine.” I grab his arm and expand my mind and search out his pain. It’s as if he knows what I am doing and his memories come rushing at me. He willingly shares his memories. I am touched.
He shows me the loss of his brother, the loss of his brother’s son. How he shot Camdon? in front of the kids mother, how he loves Elsie, but now she is bonded to a different male. I let go because it’s all I need to see. I guess we have more in common than I thought.
“It’s still different. You had no control over the events in your life that have caused you your pain. I walked right into mine. I willingly gave it all up.”
“The circumstances are different, yes, but the outcome is the same.” Sterling retorts.
He’s right. AGAIN!
“I may not know your pain, Alelan, but I know what it’s like to feel alone.”
I almost want to hug him, but I start to feel a strain on my senses, that familiar pull. Guess I won’t be feeding from a Rogue after all.
“I enjoy your company Sterling, but I have to go.” I announce.
“Reach into the right pocket of my jacket; you forgot something at the compound.”
I do as he asks and I pull out the folded cloth with the money rolled inside. “Thank you.” I stand up, let the dead prostitute’s clothes fall to the ground, and take off his jacket. After I hand it back to him I turn and lift the headstone that is hiding my few belongings. I gather up those belongings into my arms and turn to face Sterling. “Will you take these?”
“For?”
“I don’t know if I will ever be back. There is enough money here maybe to cover that camera I fried. If the Order does not want it will you please give it out to humans who are less fortunate? The guns belong to a drug dealer….burn them. Can you do this for me?”
“Yes I will.”
“And one more thing.” I lift my hand with the cloth and hand it out to him. “Hold this for me. I might want it again someday.”
“Why the hell are you acting like you’re going to disappear off the face of the planet?”
“Sometimes, Sterling, I just know things.” I reply, then lift up onto my tip toes and kiss his cheek. I lift the t-shirt over my head and toss it on the ground and let the pull of my Lost Lover take me to him.
