Beta: Allison Cullen
The Evolution of Breaking Bonds
Chapter 6
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I finished eating and I walked back down the long hallway at a hurried pace. I just wanted to take a shower and work on a plan to get close enough to warn my Lost Lover of the shit storm coming his way. Giving up on the hurried walk I dematerialized into the room and willed the door shut and locked.
I turned and looked at the camera that was positioned above the door in the corner of the room. This place was so much like my old home. I willed the camera to turn off and then willed the shower to turn on. I removed my clothes and walked into the bathroom. Much like the hotel room I had used, the bathroom was stocked up with a shit load of hygiene necessities.
I hadn’t taken a shower since that time in the hotel room. I only cleaned up using public restrooms in places that were closed or not busy. This is going to feel good and I am excited. When I get into the shower I flinch away from the steaming hot water at first, but slowly submerge my body under the stream.
AAAAHHHH God. So fucking good. So many people take for granted the little pleasures in life.
I took my time washing myself up and when I get out of the shower and the cool air hits my skin, I feel the goose bumps rise and I smile. It has been a long time since I’ve felt anything like this and it feels good. I stand in front of the mirror and inspect the image staring back at me. I had put back on some weight but not nearly enough, in my opinion. I was still nothing like I used to be, when I was with my Lost Lover and Old Family. I want to punch the mirror and shatter it in hopes that I can shatter what is standing on the other side of it.
If fucking only.
I turn from the mirror and reach for the towel when I notice the green light blinking on the camera.
What the motherfuck? I’m being watched.
I grab the towels and wrap one around my body and the other around my head. I dematerialize following the electronic signal and materialize behind Gideon, Sterling and Tegan who are looking at the many computer screens in front of them. I don’t see the camera to the room they are allowing me to use but I don’t care.
“Turn that mother fucker off!”
The males turn and look at me with wide eyes.
“What?” Gideon asks.
“That fucking camera in that room. You don’t need to watch me, I am not going to steal anything from you nor do I intend on plotting your demise from the room. You don’t need to watch me.” I order.
“Actually, if you are here and you’re not one of us, we do need to watch you.” Tegan retorts.
“I am grateful for your generosity, however if you want to keep the working fucking camera I’d advise on shutting it off.”
“No can do.” Tegan objects.
“As you wish.” I profess and return to my room in shadow. I see the camera turn to search for me and I smile big. I raise my hand and send volts of electricity into the camera and it sparks and then flames. I blow slightly and put the small fire out, then take off the towels and walk over to the dresser. Pulling open the first drawer I reach in and grab the green t-shirt that shits on top of the neatly folded clothes and put it on. I walk over to the bed and climb in pulling the covers over my shoulders.
I hear yelling and growls coming from outside in the hallway. What starts off as multiple heavy male footsteps then turns into one. Before whoever makes it to the door I will the door open and sit up. It’s Sterling and he doesn’t look very happy.
“Look I’m sorry that I busted your camera up but I told you I would if you didn’t turn it off. I’m a woman, for fuck sake, and I don’t like the idea of men I don’t know having the option of watching me.”
“We weren’t.”
“I don’t care, I didn’t say you were.”
I watch Sterling take a deep breath and then he walks into my room. I can feel he is uneasy but I get the feeling it really has nothing to do with me. “That doesn’t make it right.”
“No, on either end.” I thought back to when I was eating and decide since Sterling was here maybe he can tell me why Lucan was so short with me, and why he stormed out. “Sterling, what did I say that upset Lucan?”
I watched the warrior take another deep breath before he said, “We are all on edge here. You mean more then you realize. How would you feel if you just found out there is a whole different breed of vampires out there that you never even knew of? Not only are they vampires but they are totally different than you, so different you can’t possibly begin to understand.”
“I was shocked at first, but then I got over it.” I answered coolly. “You and I are not the only ones, Sterling. I am sure that if you look hard enough you will find vampire breeds all over the place that are nothing like you or even me.”
“What does that marking mean around your eye?”
“It’s just a brand from my old life.” I lifted my finger and traced the area around my eye remembering how and why I got it. “It’s meaningless now.”
“What did it mean then?”
I kinda want to punch him for his persistence, he reminds me of me. “It says that I am a hero and a protector.”
“I heard you cry for him, actually you do it quite often. He is the person you’re referring to when you said that you have to help someone you care deeply for?”
I close my eyes because his words plunge into my heart like a knife. I feel my head disconnect from my neck and my whole body goes slack. I begin to sob. “I’m sorry.” I apologize and hold my hand up hoping he understand I just need a minute. Really I feel like I need an eternity, but a minute will have to do.
“No, I’m sorry. I could tell it hurt you when you were dreaming, I shouldn't have brought it up.” I feel him walk closer and sit on the bed. I can feel his need to console me, make me feel better. I open my eyes and lift my head.
“I love them so much. Words will never hold enough value to describe how much I love them. Especially him, my Lost Lover. I can’t tell you their names, and even if I could I’m not sure that I could even speak them.” I take a deep breath in an attempt to gain some kind of control over my emotions. “I can only tell you that they are similar to you, they believe and fight for the same things The Order does. For your breed, for the sanity of the humans around here. Yes, we are so very different than you in many ways, but we all have our honor. We all have our secrets. Mine haunts me daily, the decision I made to walk away from them. To turn back time and erase myself from their lives. I took everything from him.”
“You don’t think he feels a similar pain?”
“No, I know he doesn’t. He doesn’t even know I exist.” The confession feels like it pushes the knife further into my heart, causing a sharp pain to slide down my spine. “None of them do. They are all living their lives like it never happened. I am the only one that knows.”
“That is a horrible burden to bear by yourself, Alelan.”
“I know, and I fear it will never get easier, though a part of me never wants it to be easier. I am afraid that if it gets easier, it means I am forgetting. I don’t ever want to forget him.”
“It won’t mean you forget, Alelan. Moving on and healing never means you forget, it only means that you accept it.”
“No, I promised I would carry the burden. I promised I would suffer while they don’t. I promised, damn it!”
“Accepting it doesn’t break that promise.”
He’s right I know, but still I can’t even begin to fathom the idea of not living with the pain. It has become a part of me. It reminds me that I’m alive.
My sobs are loud and my body is shaking.
“Christ.” he curses and then I feel him climb in the bed beside me. He pulls me tightly into his arms, as if he is trying to hold me together. I cry harder if that is even possible at the idea that this male feels he has to do such a thing. I feel guilty for my emotional collapse in front of him.
“You don’t have to-“ I try to tell him he doesn’t have to stay, this is not his problem, I am not his problem. I feel like I can’t cry any harder but I do. And as I cry harder, he wraps his arms tighter around me.
Fuck I’m such a mess..
“Just let it out, Alelan. You’re not alone, I am here and I know I don’t have to be, and I know you don’t want me to be, but I can hold you together tonight. So . . . just let it out.”
His voice is so soft, so damn sincere that I can’t help but wrap my arms around his body and pull myself tight against him and do exactly as he suggests. I let it out and cry until I can’t cry anymore and fall asleep.
In the arms of a stranger.
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