TEoBB Chapter 7 Not Alone

Beta: Allison Cullen

The Evolution of Breaking Bonds 

Chapter 7 

Not Alone 

I begin to dream of the vision that led me to where I am. I feel my Lost Lover’s arms around me, holding me tightly as I whisper his name and kiss his beautiful face. I feel his arms loosen and he tells me no and I fight his attempt to flee. Needing him, pulling at him to bring him closer. He fights my attempts to pull him near and tells me no.

“Open your eyes and look at me.” I hear my Lost Lover say; only it’s not his voice. I panic and I am confused and in my dream I open my eyes and look at him. It’s not my Lost Lover; it’s someone different. I feel threatened by this dark presence and the glowing eyes of this male and I expand my shield.

“OH SHIT!” I hear a males voice yell followed by a loud thud, it sounds like someone has been thrown into a wall.

Reality smacks me awake, and I open my eyes for real this time, and jump off the bed and run to Sterling, who is now lying on his back on the floor across the room. “Shit. Fuck. Damn. Oh my god, are you okay? I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t pack one hell of a punch, female.” He coughs the words out and I can feel he is hurt. I panic.

I could have killed him.

I stand up and back away from him. “HELP HIM, SOMEONE HELP HIM!” I scream so loud the compound shakes. I continue to step backwards until I feel my back hit a wall. I hate that in this moment the furthest I can get from him is across the room.

Jesus Christ I could have killed him. 

Warriors Brock and Kade come into the room, followed by the female named Tess. Dante holds me in his stare, while Brock and Tess go over to Sterling. His eyes are a hypnotic, cold, and a slick grey color. They remind me of steel. “I’m sorry.” I whisper. “I don’t know what happen, I was a asleep and dreaming and I got startled.”

Kade growls at me.

“It’s not her fucking fault. It’s mine. Leave her alone.” Sterling yells from the floor.
I look over at Sterling, and Brock and Tess are helping him up from the floor. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come; this was all a bad idea.” I grab my clothes from the floor where I left them last and dematerialize back to the cemetery.

The only other place I know.

************************************************* 

I summon my son and within moments he answers my call to him.

“Yes Father?”

I turn my head toward him but do not look at him. “Is everything in place? On both ends?”

“Yes. My sister is planning her move now as we speak and I am ready, father.

Thank you again for giving me this opportunity it m-.”

I hold up my hand and he grows silent. “Failing me would be your gravest mistake. Failing her is not an option. She has been through too much and suffered long. I would consider any outcome other than success to be a personal insult to me and the punishment will reflect such.”

“I will not fail you father. I have wanted this for too long to fail you, or her.”

I turn now and look at my son, “Give me your hand,” and he obeys. I summon the powers that be and turn my son from monster to man. I watch the skin grow, giving him body and as his eyes solidify his soul manifests and fills the empty orbs with emotion. And it is done.

“Take this gift I give unto you in the hope that it offers advocacy in bringing Lievah back to us.”

My son bows low and pulls my hand to his lips. He rises with a new confidence, a new glory. An unfamiliar pride begins to grown from deep within me and I begin to hope for all our sakes that he will succeed. Not just for her, but for the future.

I turn my attention to my daughter and watch as she sits on the lawn of the cemetery. I find it revolting that she seeks refuge with the dead. It causes me great animosity that she feels she can relate enough to them to be comfortable there. I can’t prepare myself enough for what I am about to watch her go through. I wish I could shield her from the evil that is about to be bestowed upon her. My wishes are for naught.

************************************************* 

I sit and think because right now that is all I can do. I think about how everything in my life up to this point has played out and how I can’t help but feel like I am the one who got the short end of the stick.

Fucking Life. 

I think about what I am about to do after I seek out blood from a Rogue. I am about to face my Lost Lover who I haven’t seen with my eyes in months. I have seen him only in dreams and visions. I realize I’m not sitting here to think. I’m sitting here to fucking gather inner strength, but really it’s pointless. I might as well just accept the fact that this is going to kill me. Seeing him is going to tear me apart. I feel a tear trickle from my eye and I reach up to wipe it. I pull my hand down and look at the vibrant blue moisture.

I feel like I am never going to come out of this…..funk that I am in. There is no damn light at the end of the tunnel for me. I have damned myself to walk life for a fucking eternity alone, with my pain.

I think about Sterling, and how I could have killed him. I have no control over my god damn emotions. The idea that I may never have any pisses me off.

It won’t mean you forget, Alelan., Moving on and healing never means you forget, it only means that you accept it. Sterling’s words replay in my head over and over.

Maybe that’s it. I will never be able to fucking accept what I have done, but maybe I can just accept the pain I have to live with. I suck in a big breath of air. A musky, citrus, sweet scent registers and I stand looking around for him.

“I’m sorry; I had to make sure you are okay.”

I turn around and Sterling walks from behind a large statue of the cemetery. “How did you find me?”

“I could smell your tears.” he smiles and then asks, “Are you okay?”

Fuck if I know. “I guess. God I’m so sorry, are you hurt?”

He shakes his head. “I’m a vampire remember? We heal quickly.”

I smile. “Will you tell Lucan and the others I am sorry?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Alelan. What you did is a part of who you are, don’t be sorry for that.”

I think about his kind words and think again about everything he said to me when I spilled my guts to him.

“You’re a kind male, Sterling.”

He nods and says, “Thank You. But if I may ask, what were you dreaming about? One minute you were trying to make out with me, calling his name again, the next you went cold and I could feel how scared you were. Was that because of me?”

“No. I saw something that terrified me. A male, I feel like I know who he is, but I am still scared all the same.”

“You’re still scared.”

“I know. I’m terrified to see him, my Lost Lover. I’m terrified of what it might do to me.” I close my eyes to hide the tears. My body starts shaking and I don’t know why.

“You’re freezing.” Sterling says and then he pulls off his leather trench coat and wraps it around my shoulders. “Are you going to see him in that t-shirt?”

I look down. He’s right; I’m still in the t-shirt I slept in. No socks, just a shirt. I still have the leather clothes I took from the dead prostitute’s body clutched to my chest.

“I don’t know. I have a real bad feeling about all of this.”

“Why do it?”

“I have to. I have to do this last thing, I have to warn him. If I don’t, so much will be lost and I can’t have that.”

“Ever think that maybe you’re not meant to interfere?”

“No. It’s not a question in my mind.”

“Do you want company? I can come with you to make sure everything goes okay.”

I shake my head and sit down on the cold ground. “No. If something went wrong and you got hurt I would never forgive myself. Besides, this is mine.”

Sterling sat on the ground next to me. He pulled his knees up and draped his arms casually over them. “You don’t have to be alone in this.”

“And you don’t have to be a part of it. I don’t understand your damn persistence anyways.”

“Because I know, Alelan.”

How the fuck can he know my god damn pain?

Out of reflex my head snaps to look at him. “Know what, Sterling? Any pain of loss that you feel is not like mine.” I grab his arm and expand my mind and search out his pain. It’s as if he knows what I am doing and his memories come rushing at me. He willingly shares his memories. I am touched.

He shows me the loss of his brother, the loss of his brother’s son. How he shot Camdon? in front of the kids mother, how he loves Elsie, but now she is bonded to a different male. I let go because it’s all I need to see. I guess we have more in common than I thought.

“It’s still different. You had no control over the events in your life that have caused you your pain. I walked right into mine. I willingly gave it all up.”

“The circumstances are different, yes, but the outcome is the same.” Sterling retorts.

He’s right. AGAIN!

“I may not know your pain, Alelan, but I know what it’s like to feel alone.”

I almost want to hug him, but I start to feel a strain on my senses, that familiar pull. Guess I won’t be feeding from a Rogue after all.

“I enjoy your company Sterling, but I have to go.” I announce.

“Reach into the right pocket of my jacket; you forgot something at the compound.”

I do as he asks and I pull out the folded cloth with the money rolled inside. “Thank you.” I stand up, let the dead prostitute’s clothes fall to the ground, and take off his jacket. After I hand it back to him I turn and lift the headstone that is hiding my few belongings. I gather up those belongings into my arms and turn to face Sterling. “Will you take these?”

“For?”

“I don’t know if I will ever be back. There is enough money here maybe to cover that camera I fried. If the Order does not want it will you please give it out to humans who are less fortunate? The guns belong to a drug dealer….burn them. Can you do this for me?”

“Yes I will.”

“And one more thing.” I lift my hand with the cloth and hand it out to him. “Hold this for me. I might want it again someday.”

“Why the hell are you acting like you’re going to disappear off the face of the planet?”

“Sometimes, Sterling, I just know things.” I reply, then lift up onto my tip toes and kiss his cheek. I lift the t-shirt over my head and toss it on the ground and let the pull of my Lost Lover take me to him.

TEoBB Chapter 6 Collapse

Beta: Allison Cullen 

The Evolution of Breaking Bonds 

Chapter 6 

Collapse 

I finished eating and I walked back down the long hallway at a hurried pace. I just wanted to take a shower and work on a plan to get close enough to warn my Lost Lover of the shit storm coming his way. Giving up on the hurried walk I dematerialized into the room and willed the door shut and locked.

I turned and looked at the camera that was positioned above the door in the corner of the room. This place was so much like my old home. I willed the camera to turn off and then willed the shower to turn on. I removed my clothes and walked into the bathroom. Much like the hotel room I had used, the bathroom was stocked up with a shit load of hygiene necessities.

I hadn’t taken a shower since that time in the hotel room. I only cleaned up using public restrooms in places that were closed or not busy. This is going to feel good and I am excited. When I get into the shower I flinch away from the steaming hot water at first, but slowly submerge my body under the stream.

AAAAHHHH God. So fucking good. So many people take for granted the little pleasures in life.

I took my time washing myself up and when I get out of the shower and the cool air hits my skin, I feel the goose bumps rise and I smile. It has been a long time since I’ve felt anything like this and it feels good. I stand in front of the mirror and inspect the image staring back at me. I had put back on some weight but not nearly enough, in my opinion. I was still nothing like I used to be, when I was with my Lost Lover and Old Family. I want to punch the mirror and shatter it in hopes that I can shatter what is standing on the other side of it.

If fucking only.

I turn from the mirror and reach for the towel when I notice the green light blinking on the camera.

What the motherfuck? I’m being watched.

I grab the towels and wrap one around my body and the other around my head. I dematerialize following the electronic signal and materialize behind Gideon, Sterling and Tegan who are looking at the many computer screens in front of them. I don’t see the camera to the room they are allowing me to use but I don’t care.

“Turn that mother fucker off!”

The males turn and look at me with wide eyes.

“What?” Gideon asks.

“That fucking camera in that room. You don’t need to watch me, I am not going to steal anything from you nor do I intend on plotting your demise from the room. You don’t need to watch me.” I order.

“Actually, if you are here and you’re not one of us, we do need to watch you.” Tegan retorts.

“I am grateful for your generosity, however if you want to keep the working fucking camera I’d advise on shutting it off.”

“No can do.” Tegan objects.

“As you wish.” I profess and return to my room in shadow. I see the camera turn to search for me and I smile big. I raise my hand and send volts of electricity into the camera and it sparks and then flames. I blow slightly and put the small fire out, then take off the towels and walk over to the dresser. Pulling open the first drawer I reach in and grab the green t-shirt that shits on top of the neatly folded clothes and put it on. I walk over to the bed and climb in pulling the covers over my shoulders.

I hear yelling and growls coming from outside in the hallway. What starts off as multiple heavy male footsteps then turns into one. Before whoever makes it to the door I will the door open and sit up. It’s Sterling and he doesn’t look very happy.

“Look I’m sorry that I busted your camera up but I told you I would if you didn’t turn it off. I’m a woman, for fuck sake, and I don’t like the idea of men I don’t know having the option of watching me.”

“We weren’t.”

“I don’t care, I didn’t say you were.”

I watch Sterling take a deep breath and then he walks into my room. I can feel he is uneasy but I get the feeling it really has nothing to do with me. “That doesn’t make it right.”

“No, on either end.” I thought back to when I was eating and decide since Sterling was here maybe he can tell me why Lucan was so short with me, and why he stormed out. “Sterling, what did I say that upset Lucan?”

I watched the warrior take another deep breath before he said, “We are all on edge here. You mean more then you realize. How would you feel if you just found out there is a whole different breed of vampires out there that you never even knew of? Not only are they vampires but they are totally different than you, so different you can’t possibly begin to understand.”

“I was shocked at first, but then I got over it.” I answered coolly. “You and I are not the only ones, Sterling. I am sure that if you look hard enough you will find vampire breeds all over the place that are nothing like you or even me.”

“What does that marking mean around your eye?”

“It’s just a brand from my old life.” I lifted my finger and traced the area around my eye remembering how and why I got it. “It’s meaningless now.”

“What did it mean then?”

I kinda want to punch him for his persistence, he reminds me of me. “It says that I am a hero and a protector.”

“I heard you cry for him, actually you do it quite often. He is the person you’re referring to when you said that you have to help someone you care deeply for?”

I close my eyes because his words plunge into my heart like a knife. I feel my head disconnect from my neck and my whole body goes slack. I begin to sob. “I’m sorry.” I apologize and hold my hand up hoping he understand I just need a minute. Really I feel like I need an eternity, but a minute will have to do.

“No, I’m sorry. I could tell it hurt you when you were dreaming, I shouldn't have brought it up.” I feel him walk closer and sit on the bed. I can feel his need to console me, make me feel better. I open my eyes and lift my head.

“I love them so much. Words will never hold enough value to describe how much I love them. Especially him, my Lost Lover. I can’t tell you their names, and even if I could I’m not sure that I could even speak them.” I take a deep breath in an attempt to gain some kind of control over my emotions. “I can only tell you that they are similar to you, they believe and fight for the same things The Order does. For your breed, for the sanity of the humans around here. Yes, we are so very different than you in many ways, but we all have our honor. We all have our secrets. Mine haunts me daily, the decision I made to walk away from them. To turn back time and erase myself from their lives. I took everything from him.”

“You don’t think he feels a similar pain?”

“No, I know he doesn’t. He doesn’t even know I exist.” The confession feels like it pushes the knife further into my heart, causing a sharp pain to slide down my spine. “None of them do. They are all living their lives like it never happened. I am the only one that knows.”

“That is a horrible burden to bear by yourself, Alelan.”

“I know, and I fear it will never get easier, though a part of me never wants it to be easier. I am afraid that if it gets easier, it means I am forgetting. I don’t ever want to forget him.”

“It won’t mean you forget, Alelan. Moving on and healing never means you forget, it only means that you accept it.”

“No, I promised I would carry the burden. I promised I would suffer while they don’t. I promised, damn it!”

“Accepting it doesn’t break that promise.”

He’s right I know, but still I can’t even begin to fathom the idea of not living with the pain. It has become a part of me. It reminds me that I’m alive.

My sobs are loud and my body is shaking.

“Christ.” he curses and then I feel him climb in the bed beside me. He pulls me tightly into his arms, as if he is trying to hold me together. I cry harder if that is even possible at the idea that this male feels he has to do such a thing. I feel guilty for my emotional collapse in front of him.

“You don’t have to-“ I try to tell him he doesn’t have to stay, this is not his problem, I am not his problem. I feel like I can’t cry any harder but I do. And as I cry harder, he wraps his arms tighter around me.

Fuck I’m such a mess..

“Just let it out, Alelan. You’re not alone, I am here and I know I don’t have to be, and I know you don’t want me to be, but I can hold you together tonight. So . . . just let it out.”

His voice is so soft, so damn sincere that I can’t help but wrap my arms around his body and pull myself tight against him and do exactly as he suggests. I let it out and cry until I can’t cry anymore and fall asleep.

In the arms of a stranger.

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